Category: March


Potholes

Random things just for you….

 

1) I’m more country than I give on first impressions

2) Horses keep me grounded…sane if you will.

3) I’ve taught my cat Luna how to sit on command

4) The best feeling I love is waking up to cool mornings yet the blankets are so warm and you can hear the horses in the pasture, the cat is purring at your feet and the sun is making itself known. I miss that

5)I’ve broken my collar bone 3 times

6) I’ve stabbed myself in the leg once

7)I jumped a fence wrong and had part of the fence go through my leg.  I was hanging upside down for over five minutes trying to get myself down.

8) I will put my friends first before myself anyday

9)I love to live alone

10)I love good company

11) I collect stamps

12)I used to live near the street where the Green River Killer was still killing women in Washington state.

13) I’m trying really hard to believe in romance, love, and fluttery feelings.

14) I try to live a life filled with the Creator, appreciating the earth that was given to me

15) I love that bright blue color that fire creates.

16)I believe Atlantis was real

17) I think I need better standards for myself

18) I’m way too nice and feel I should stand up for myself once in awhile

19) I wish dad would actually see how his anger affects people

20)Why do movie previews like to show the whole movie before it even comes out in theaters?

21) Country music really isn’t that bad.  Really.

22) My weakness is Native American men.  They’re beautiful

23)  My other weakness is dark chocolate

24) I own a pair of shit kickers

25) I clean up real pretty but I would rather go play in the mud

26) I love my lip ring

27)I’m unsure of the future and it excites me

28) Some songs I can’t help but put on repeat because playing it once isn’t enough satisfaction.

29)I’ve had dreams of a medicine man since I was six years old.

30) I’m afraid of flying and yet I still fly at least 2-4 times a year, maybe more.

31) I have a large phoenix tattooed on my back. 4-8 more hours and it will finally be done

32) My mother’s passing is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with up to date

33) I love to travel

34) My house is so comfortable that friends like to stay longer than planned.  I’m okay with that 🙂

35) I think of running away and never coming back

36) Many tell me I have an “old soul” and there are days when I feel it.  I’m only 27

37) I believe life’s meaning is different for everyone

38) If I can help it, I’ll never live near the East ever again.  No way

39) I like to eat cereal out of a cup just because it’s fun

40) I won 1st place for best photograph in Wa state and 1st runner up out of five states.  I received $100 for my winnings

41)I was tracked by a cougar once while I was riding on horseback with 3 others

42)I own a gun, a couple of hunting knives, two Native war clubs and two Tomahawk peace pipes that are usable.  I dare someone to make my day 🙂

43)I’ve never smoked a cigarette but I love a good cigar

44)I haven’t watched t.v. in over a month

45)I’m rough around the edges when it comes to living life.  Tomboy 🙂

46)I’m trying really hard to grow my hair down to my waist

47)I sometimes wish I had magical powers (Shape-shifting)

48)I want to horseback through Yellowstone for a week

49)I’m being taught how to make a short bow traditional style

50)I had a book sized stack of poems that I burned a few years ago

51)I own a house in Texas and I’m trying to sell it. Want to buy it?

52)I hardly ever drink pop

53) If I was  being honest with myself, I’m stubborn, have selective hearing and at times I’m quick to anger

54)I’ve never been skinny dipping.  All my friends want to change this for me haha

55)My mother was in the Air Force for 19.5 years and my father for a full 20years in the Army.

56)Honesty, loyalty, and communication are important to me.

57)My favorite color is green

58)I should of said hi but I didn’t because I chickened out.  It happens every time

59)I have two cats and a snake.

60)I believe in P90x 100%

61)I wish I could call up mom and ask her advice on things about life.

62)My as hurts

63)I look damn good in a corset

64) My friend had a double lung transplant and he’s still kicking ass today

65)I love bacon and it just might be the food made for the god and goddesses

66)My friend Brandon likes to be slapped in the face and I like to oblige him

67) I lived in Guam for two years between the ages of 10-12 and it’s where I learned about earthquakes

68)I should listen to my heart more often then my brain but the two like to argue.  I’m always in the middle of it

69) I enjoy this number

70)My great grandmother is half Cherokee and my great grandfather is full Nez Perce

71) I’m far from innocent yet I’m naive about people and giving them the benefit of the doubt

72)My favorite band is Stabbing Westward

73) I’ve posed nude for a university art class.  It was awesome

74) I’ve been dog sledding

75)My type of male is Masculine, passionate, hard working, loving, loyal, believes in traditions, lives a healthy life style, and would rather live in the mountains then the city.   Being a bit stubborn and stead fast in his ways is good too

76)I would rather die trying than die not doing anything.  There’s no need to waste breath

77) Full moons are my favorite nights.

78)One of the first things I notice about a male is his eyes and the way he carries himself

79)  Paper cuts are the most annoying type of cut.

80) Us as women are absolutely beautiful creatures.

 

I shouldn’t be used to this

My friend and I decided to attend one of the biggest pow wows of the year.  It’s a large event with many many stands that sell a lot of Native items.  It’s an amazing experience.  The opening of the pow wow fills my eyes with tears as the dancers’ feet dance to the rhythm of the drums.  Friday was the opening of the event and it ends Sunday.  I decided that I would go Friday and Saturday, hoping I wouldn’t spend too much money on all the good stuff haha  Of course I did and I was able to try fry bread for the first time ever.  That’s some excellent food. My house is filled with Native American items, I listen to their music in my house, and I read a lot about their culture.  You could say I appreciate their culture.

Yesterday(Saturday) we decided to watch more of the dancing since there were more people that showed up.  There were even more drummers.  I left my friend in the stands to go buy a shirt that I had on hold.  I almost forgot about it so I said I’d be right back.  Another Native sitting behind us then proceeded to approach my friend asking him what he was doing with a white woman here.  He also added on that it was a dishonor to their tradition.  At this point, my friend decided to walk away because he didn’t want to fight him in a place that supposed to be sacred and honoring tradition.

I was taken back by what transpired….and a little hurt.  Although I told him this would happen, that it’s something that I’m used too.  Why?  They want their lines pure.  I understand that.  Yet is racism really appropriate in today’s world?  Aren’t all our lines so diluted that we can’t tell from what’s bottom and what’s up?  I wonder how that man felt about some of the dancers being white and keeping the tradition alive?  Did he not see the one or two white drummers?

I’m saddened by this….

 

Damn.  I was slapped in the face with the truth.  It’s hard to hear it, take it, and really eat it but there it was and I was full by the time I finished.  A friend of mine pointed out something about myself that I never noticed before.  If I did, then maybe I was being naive with myself.  I do that at times….ignore what I should be looking at.

Sigh.

I swallowed my pride and really listened to my friend after, of course, being a bit defensive for a good 10 minutes.  She spoke of it before but not in depth.  The worst part?  She’s right.  That’s what truth is all about and yet I’m happy she spoke up.  If I work on changing it now, then I could really be a happier, healthier person.  That’s the great thing about real friends.  They tell you like it is and aren’t afraid to do so.

By the time we finished discussing the why’s, what ifs, and hows, we were both frustrated.  Telling the truth and being real…that’s important to me.  So we parted ways with a hug.  I’m thankful for her words in more ways than one.  Eyes are wide open and a little growth is on it’s way.  Time to make new standards and expectations in my life.

The question is why do I do what I do and how to change it?

Spank Me

It’s about that time for my spankings.  Oh you perverts!  I’m talking about my birthday.  It’s right around the corner.  When is my birthday you say?  St.  Patrick’s Day.  Yes, I know what you’re thinking.  It’s true my birthday is probably one of the most kick ass days you could of think of.  Parties are everywhere, the world is filled with nasty green beer, and the lines are long to get into the bars.  I pretty much skip that part.  Plus I’d rather have a Guinness any day.

I’m skipping the beer this year, the large parties, and the crowded bars.  I’m thinking of doing something outside of town.  Gamble?  Camping?  I’m not sure but I want to do something a little more exciting then get wasted.   Half the time I’ve been the designated driver on my own birthday and that royally sucks ass.  So guess what?  It’s about me this year.  I’m taking advantage of my birthday rights.

As far as my spankings, by all means, give me what I deserve.  It’s what birthdays are about right? I run away, you chase, you spank, I fake cry, and who’s next in line? haha   The best part is I get 28 of them and the greatest news of all?  I don’t look my age.  Not even close.  Just today I was told I look to be maybe 20.  How great is that?  So who’s in line to do the deed?

I’m not looking for presents at all.  I’m not even sure I want anything much less need anything, but if you have the lotto numbers I’ll take that.   Although, it would be awesome if I received a card in the mail.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a birthday card or not.  Maybe it’s something that describes my personality or just something silly.  I’d love to see how many cards I could get in the mail.   So who’s up for it?  You know you want too!  haha  If you do, let me know and I’ll be sure to help you help me 🙂


 

Hustling that GPA

I came back to school with a lot on my plate.  I decided, like I said before, that it was time to buckle down and take responsibility for the time I missed even though I had the flu.   I became a warrior of taking on extra homework, extra studying, and double testing for the next week and a half.  I was in a tornado of trying to keep everything straight in my head.  The house became a mess and I was scattered brained.  The best part?  I brought my grades up with skill.  Oh yes.

Finals are this week.  Today I have a test in Humanities.  Tomorrow is Vet Sci.  Thursday is Math and Friday is a Vet Sci practical.   If I get A’s on my finals like I know I am, then I should be able to pull two A’s and a B for my final grades.  Stoked to the max for that.  Missing days at my school is like missing a year of information.  We get 10weeks and then we move on to the next quarter.  You must retain and keep moving like a pro.  I plan to be that pro.

On a side note, that B would be an A yet the teacher cheated me out of it.  Now I usually don’t argue about grades because what I get is what I deserve.   I came back to class the day I was let off of quarantine for the flu.  Lets call my teacher Mrs. R.  She told me it was good that I came back to class that day or she would of failed me on absences.  I said I had all the proper paperwork to cover that.  Mrs. R said it didn’t matter.  Well then, I left that alone and then asked if I still was going to take the exam today even though I missed the in class videos.  She said yes or I will receive a O.  Okay, no problem.  I’m an excellent writer and when I need to be, a great bullshitter.  My last question for Mrs. R is if and when can I make up the videos I missed because there’s a quiz after each one.  She proceeded to tell me not to worry about it because it wouldn’t affect my grade.  Those are her exact words.  “It will not affect your grade”  Really?  I had a strong A in that class and when I checked my quiz scores, it dropped my grade to a B.  That’s affecting my grade is it not?  That test I took I received an A.  Ahh yes I’m peeved but what can you do?  I almost had a 4.0   Can’t say I didn’t try, right?

As far as this goes, I’m saying goodbye to my A, but I will be notifying someone about this.  I find it unfair.  As  for my readers, I’d definitely like to know you’re opinion on this.  Leave a comment or two.  Am I over reacting?  Am I right?  Am I not seeing a bigger picture here?

I decided a week or so ago that I wanted to do a creative project.  I went back to my new favorite store that has tons of Native items that I could buy.  Beads, pelts, tails of coyote and fox, sinew, bone, knives, medicine wheels, etc.  You could say it’s like candy for me when I walk in there.  You just want everything.  I’m not a hunter myself, but if I were to then I believe in using everything.  I do not believe in sport hunting.  As for this place, well my brain started turning.  They had a few tomahawk peace pipes not decorated.

So there I was buying a peace pipe, along with other items that I thought I might need.  I got started right away.  For the first night I think I spent a good 3 1/2 hours on it.  I first begun to wrap the pipe in dark brown leather.  I wanted to give it a nice base color.  I then wanted some beads on there.  That is a lot harder than I gave it credit.  I decided on a light blue (turquoise) and a nice red.   I made rings of beads around the pipe in the front with the brown leather in between it.  Of course you can’t forget the fringe, which I decided to use deer.  Then I added some feathers,bob cat tail,  a few coyote teeth and claws.  I can’t say it’s absolutely awesome because it’s my very first time doing anything like this, but for me I think I did okay.

I definitely have a better understanding of the time that goes into these Native American projects.  I now know why they charge a lot and how things might be done.  Over all I’m pretty stoked.  I have extra deer skin so I could possibly make moccasins in the future.  I won’t waste anything that I’ve bought.   Of course the goal now is to stay away from that store until I have money I can spend.  I tend to go a bit wild in there.  Shame on me.

I just want to know

I just want to know

 

If I had no words,
Would your eyes dance,
With mine in sweet tunes?

If my hands spoke,
Would you give them,
The meaning of touching secrets?

If my lips parted,
Would you want to find out,
If you could breathe in my taste?

If my hair fell,
Would you reach out,
To caress it’s softness away from my cheek?

If I fell asleep,
Would you want to know,
If I’d cuddle into your unknowing touch?

If I wrapped my arms around you,
Would it be difficult,
To let go of the warmth between us?

If I leaned into you,
How long would it take,
For you to claim my lips as yours?

If our lips met,
Would my moan give you a yearning,
To run your hands down my back?

If your fingertips,
Slightly dipped down my stomach,
Would you feel me shiver in desire?

If I bit you,
On the neck gently, with a kiss,
Would you growl in approval?

If you shoved me against the wall,
Would you see,
The hunger in my eyes?

If we danced,
In the moonlight on a summer’s night,
Would we laugh in delight?

If I asked you,
To see me for what I am,
Would you feel the void inside my fragile heart?

If I told you,
You’re a man of worth,
Would you smile, knowing you treat me right?

If I whispered,
How I feel in three simple words,
Would we continue to build memories?

I just wanted to know…

Written 2010 by April Knapp

I did.  It was the usual, I suppose, yet what sparked the thought wasn’t.  Most of the time it’s things like the thought of her being surprised I have cats, and I usually think that when my cats are purring away, rubbing on me.  She was allergic to them.  Maybe it might be peppermint pattys I see in the store because those were her favorite or the way I’m anal about cleaning my own house.  She’d be proud at me for that.  I used to be the laziest, dirty kid.  Weren’t we all though?  Gosh, she used to yell at me all day for me to clean my room, do dishes, dust, and vacuum.  I hated it.  Now I pride myself in my clean house.  The one that makes me laugh the most is I came to visit my mom one day and she had her cd player out.  I decided to peek at her choice of music.  Out of all things my mom could of had, it was Eminem.  Now I listen to him simply for that and it keeps me smiling.

Although, today was different.  I was watching Dances With Wolves two days ago with a good friend of mine.  I decided since we didn’t get to finish it, I’d start all over again.  It’s on my top 5 favorite movies so why not watch it over again?  Well in the movie, a bit far into it, Stands With A Fist fluffs her hair.  It’s a very small insignificant thing in the movie.  I don’t know if anyone would ever catch it, but I did.  My mom would fluff her hair in the same way.  It caused a small soft ache of longing, wanting to see her smiling face.  I’ve noticed that it’s more of the small things, simple gestures, or a smell.

To this day I know she had a lot of secrets.  I’ll never know the answers to them, but they’re there in the back of my mind wondering.  She was quiet, humble, and worked hard.  She hardly ever spoke of her times over Iraq and Afghanistan.  I never asked in return.  I don’t know if I’d want to know.  Each time she came back, I felt like a little piece of her was missing.  I don’t blame her, but the questions were there.  I never asked.

If there are days where I’m having trouble getting my butt to school, she pushes me.  I promised her I’d get a degree.  If I’m not sure of a decision, I just simply think of what she might have said to me.  She encouraged me to be independent, live for me, and don’t be hasty.  I can’t thank her enough for everything that she has done for me.  All these things aren’t incredibly sad for me, just a reality I deal with day to day.  I love having her with me and other days, it’s just too overwhelming.